This Man Is My Friend
by abharding
Summary: Missing Scenes form the Chute Harry has to come to terms with what he learned about himself while in the Akritirian prison.


This Man Is My Friend  
A Chute "Missing Scene" Story   
Ann B. Harding  
  
  
Summery - How does Harry come to terms with what happened in the Chute? Warnings- Violence (in dreams and to holodeck characters)   
  
Disclaimer: Voyager, Tom Paris, Harry Kim and all characters within are the property of Paramount Pictures. I am just borrowing them for this little tale.  
  
  
"Get out now." Zio told him. "And take him with you. Or I will kill him."   
  
Disgusted by the man he once thought of as his only ally, Harry turned to get Tom. But after what just happened he didn't know if Tom was going to let him get close enough to carry the injured man out of Zio's hut.   
  
Tom was still curled up in a ball when Harry ducked into the small compartment. "Tom?" Harry said as he approached his friend. He wanted to show Tom he wasn't a threat... he wasn't going to hurt him... but as when got closer, he saw that Tom was unconscious again.   
  
An odd sense of relief overcame Harry, and he slipped one of Tom arm's over his shoulder and slowly stood. It was harder this time then the last time... right after the stabbing. Then Tom had least been able to walk a little so Harry wasn't supporting the taller man's full weight. But now, Tom was dead weight.   
  
Dead weight. Ignoring the ominous and hateful implications of those words, Harry started out the door. He was almost there when he noticed the ruined pipe. It could not be used to aid in their escape, but Harry realized that there were other uses for the ruined device.   
  
"He's to forgone to be your friend." Zio had told him only moments before. "All he is now is a burden."   
  
"That's not true!!" Harry screamed back. But he wasn't sure if was talking to Zio of the part of him that was agreeing with everything Zio was saying.  
  
But Zio wasn't through.. "He eats your food he's ruined your devince. He's given in to the clamp."   
  
NO! NO! NO! Harry thought as Zio contiuned to press him.   
  
"You have to get rid of him before he drags you down with him."   
  
Get rid of him.... get rid of the best friend he had ever had. And he had some closer to allowing himself to be convinced then he ever would have thought possible.   
  
But that was in the past. When Harry decided that Tom's life was to high a price to pay for his surrival, Zio had thrown them out. Now Harry had to find somewhere else they stay while Tom recovered.   
  
Most of the other prisoners cleared a path as Harry carried Tom though the passages of the station. Like the vultures they were, most were also following them. Harry didn't know where go, but that didn't matter. He would find some place where Tom could lay down, then Harry could take care of him. When Tom was stronger, then they could try again. By then Harry would have a better idea if there was any pattern to the deliveries through the chute.   
  
In the center of a set of compartment and huts, Harry found a place the might work, if he could find a blanket or curtain.   
  
"So, Zio threw you out."   
  
Harry turned as Pitt, his henchmen and several other prisoner approached. But he didn't say anything - he didn't even acknoweldge he had heard the other man. He lay Tom on the floor, resting the injured man's head on one of the posts. Once he was sure Tom was comfortable, or at least a comfortable as he could get given their current predicament, Harry turned to face Pit and the others. The way they gathered reminded Harry of the pack animals he had read about as a child. If their recent behavior was any indication, it would be just a matter of time before one of the them would try and stake a claim. Harry knew he had to ready for it.   
  
"I want his clothes." The leader of the pack stated, indicating to the unconscious Paris. Then he pointed his knife at Harry. "And I want his boots." he continued in a deadly tone.   
  
Swallowing the fear that was now that had become his constant companion, Harry stood his ground. Raising the ruined pipe. "This man," he said as his gaze swept the crowd. "is my friend. Nobody touches him."   
  
Either Pit didn't think Harry was serious he did not think the younger man posed any real threat. "Back off..." he said, warned really, as he continued his advance, "And you won't have to get hurt."   
  
There was no way Harry was going to let any of these animals get their hands on Tom. Not as long as he had anything to say about it... And if they thought he wasn't a threat, well he'd show them how wrong they were.   
  
The klaxon blared, interrupting the tense standoff. "New prisoner!" Pit yelled, and ran to greet the latest arrival, followed by the rest of the crowd.   
  
Harry felt for the unfortunate soul who would face the "welcoming party", but right now he more important things to worry about. Pit and the others were gone for now, but he knew they would be back soon. Somehow Harry had to come up with something before then. Nothing fancy, he just had to stall for a while. Until he could fix the pipe and try to escape again. Not now, but later. When Tom was back on his feet and could watch his back. Besides, he could use the time to see if there was any pattern to the delivery schedule. Once they had that figured out... Get real he told himself sternly. Tom's not going to get better... And when that happens, you are on your own.   
  
"It's a woman!!" One of the prisoners, Harry couldn't tell which one yelled. What in the galaxy??? The one of the most beautiful sounds he had ever heard. Phaser fire. It could mean only one thing... .   
  
"I'll be right back." he told Tom. Maybe the unconscious man would hear him. "I think the rescue party has arrived."   
  
Who had the Captain have sent to rescue them? He wasn't surprised to hear Tuvok ordering everyone to lower their weapons. But the barked "Do it!" did. He couldn't believe it. The Captain had come herself?   
  
He quickly pushed his way through the crowd. It was her. "Captain," he said. He was never so glad to see anyone as he was to see her at that moment.   
  
A relived smile crossed the Captain's face, followed by a concerned frown. "Where's Tom?" she asked, glancing around.   
  
"He needs help." Harry replied quietly. He knew it was an understatement, but he'd be damned if he were going to let the others prisoners know just how close to death Tom was.   
  
"What happened?" Janeway asked as walked to where the comatose helmsman lay.   
  
"He was stabbed in a fight with one of the other prisoners." Harry replied. "I've managed to stop most of the bleeding, but I think the wound's become infected." Now that Pit and the others were out of earshot, he didn't bother to hide the fear in his voice. "Is Voyager here?" he asked.   
  
"We came on Neelix's ship." Janeway replied. "Kes is waiting there for us. She can begin treating him when we him aboard."   
  
"But how are we going to get him out of here?" Harry asked.   
  
Janeway smiled slightly before she turned to the security guard that had followed them. "Get Lieutenant Tuvok." she ordered.  
  
Tuvok.... of course.... if anyone could carry a full grown-man up that chute it would a Vulcan. For the first time in days he smiled... they were going home... everything was going to be all right.  
  
******************  
  
It wasn't until his eyes had the chance to adjust to the brightly lit cargo space, ( it was to small be called a bay) that Harry was grateful for the dim light in the prison. Unable to see the damage it had been easy to fool himself into thinking that Tom had not been seriously hurt. But the bright lights of Neelix's cargo bay hid nothing. The deathly pale skin, the blue lips and the ragged shallow breathing, that seemed to require a great deal of effort. Harry had never been so glad to Kes as he was at that moment. He knew, without a doubt, that Tom would not have survived the trip back to Voyager if she had not been there.   
  
"How is he?" Harry asked. Tell me he is going to O.K. Please tell me he is going to be O.K. He begged silently, even though he knew it wouldn't happen.   
  
"I'm not sure." Kes as she studied the whatever readings the tricorder was giving her. Despite the ambiguous words, Harry could hear the fear for her patient's ... for Tom's... life in her voice. She continued to study the readings, not saying anything to either Harry or Captain Janeway. After what seemed like an eternity, but was really only a few seconds, she looked up. "It looks like a knife did most of the damage..." she looked at Harry to confirm this. All he could do was nod "There's been some damage to his liver, stomach and pancreas... And the wound has become infected." Kes continued. "He has a very high fever... his temperature is 40.7."   
  
"You said a knife did most of the damage." the Captain prompted, the tone, if not the words demanding more information.   
  
Kes nodded. "He also a concussion, bruised kidneys and a few cracked ribs." she paused studying the readings again. "According to this, the injuries are recent... within the past twenty-four hours or so."   
  
Harry's stomach clenched. He knew that Tom must have been in some fights with some of the prisoners before Harry had arrived... but he had only been one in the past twenty four hours had involved fists. And there had not been any bruises on Tom's rib cage when Harry had cleaned the stab wound.   
  
Without warning, Tom came to life, fighting Kes' efforts to clean the wound. "Get away from me ..." he said breathlessly as he tried to move out of her reach. "Stay away from me..." The panicked semi-conscious man repeated. He didn't seem to recognize Kes. He hadn't even realize he wasn't in the prison anymore.   
  
"Tom!" Harry said as he scrambled over to his friend. "Tom! It's me, Harry. You're safe. We're not on the... in the prison anymore." He spoke slowly, deliberately. I hate talking like this. Sounds like I'm talking to a two year old. "You're safe..." he repeated. "And we're on our way home..."  
  
"No," Tom said. "You're lying. Just like before." When he realize Harry couldn't be pushed away, be began looking for some other way to get away, or defend himself. The pain, fear and confusion in the blue eyes reminded the younger man of things he would rather forget. Like the fact that Tom had every right to be suspicious of him, to be afraid. How could he convince Tom they were safe, when Harry was one of the things Tom was frightened of???  
  
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the Captain knelt besides Kes. "Lieutenant!" she said in the same tone she used when the was a crisis on the bridge.   
  
Tom's struggles stopped as abruptly as they began. "Captain?" he asked weakly, his eyes focusing on her. "Is th-that really you?"  
  
The Captain breathed a sigh of relief and smiled. "It's me." she said. "Kes is here too. I want you to listen to me, " she said taking his face in her hands. . "You're safe. We're on Neelix's ship and we are taking you back to Voyager."   
  
Tom smiled and relaxed. "Knew Harry would bring you..." he mumbled as he closed his eyes.   
  
Harry's throat tightened. Tom didn't remember what really happened. He actuality thought Harry was the one responsible for their rescue.   
  
"Not quite," the Captain replied as she threw a puzzled glance at Harry.   
  
The blue eyes popped back open. "You got him out too ?" Tom asked panic evident in his voice. He tried to prop himself up on his elbow, as though he wanted to look around the ship. "Didn't you?"   
  
Harry gently pushed his friend back down. "I'm right here, Tom." he said. What in the hell are you doing worrying about me? After everything that's happened, what I almost did to you, why are you still so worried about me? "We're both safe now." he said softly... hoping to convince his friend he was no longer a threat.   
  
Tom relaxed. "Good." he said softly as he lay back. A relived smile crossed his face. "You're safe... " Then his head fell to one side and Kes's medical tricorder began going wild.   
  
  
Kes immediately moved to Tom to administer two hyposprays. There was no change. The alarms continued to sound. Tom's chest continued to remained still. "Damn," she muttered before she placed a small device - a cortical stimulator - Harry realized - on Tom's forehead and pressed a button. Tom's body jerked as the stimulator sent a jolt of electricity through his body. But it didn't seem to work.   
  
Horrified, unable to watch anymore, but unwilling, unable to leave the cargo space, Harry backed up, hitting the wall. There he sat, head on his knees. He couldn't see what was happening but he could hear it. Kes continued to call out what she was doing, but Harry wasn't sure if she was telling the Captain what she was doing, or just recording everything for the logs. Not that it matter. It didn't change the fact that Tom wasn't responding to the treatments. He was dying. Or had died. Mixed in the sound of Kes' continued attempts to revive Tom, Harry could still hear what might just be Tom's last words. "You're safe. " I'm safe. So what? That means you can die??? . That would be just like Tom. He took his role as Harry's adopted big brother very seriously.   
  
"Janeway to Neelix." The captain said. "How much longer until we rendezvous with Voyager?"   
  
"At current speeds?" Neelix replied. "Twenty minutes. Why?" Harry realized Neelix knew that something was wrong.   
  
"Is there any we increase our speed?" Kes asked. "Tom doesn't have that long."   
  
Oh God..... no. Tom you can't die... we're going home.... we're going home.   
  
"Increase to maximum speed." Janeway ordered. "And contact Voyager. Inform them that to beam Kes and Lieutenant Paris to sick bay as soon as we are within range..."   
  
  
  
*******************   
  
  
  
"Where are they?" B'Elanna asked staring at the screen.   
  
* Don't get angry with her * Chakotay told himself. Harry Kim and Tom Paris were her closest friends. The three younger officers spent much their off duty time together. In fact, they had planned on going on shore leave together, but last minute crisis in engineering prevented B'Elanna from going. In fact, Tom and Harry had been waiting for her at Catania when the bomb exploded. "We're a little early." he said, trying to sound reassuring. He just wasn't sure who he was trying to reassure. B'Elanna, the rest of the crew, or himself. The Captain was taking a big risk.. Would she have insisted on going on the rescue if it had been some one other then Tom Paris, her personal redemption project, that was in that prison?   
  
"Commander," Freddie Bristow said, startling him from his thoughts. "There's an incoming transmission from Neelix's ship."   
  
A sudden silence gripped the bridge as every eye turned to the young man standing at the Ops/Communications console. Chakotay felt a little sorry for the young man. Bristow usually worked the night shift. Poor kid had probably never had so many people watching him at one time.   
  
  
"The mission was a success..." Bristow continued "No injuries to any members of the rescue team..."   
  
No injuries to any of the rescue team.... But, what about Harry and Tom? Glancing over at B'Elanna, Chakotay realized she was thinking the same thing.. "What about..." he began.  
  
"But they need an emergency transport as soon as they are within range." Bristow continued, now even more nervous then before... "It seems Lieutenant Paris is in critical condition , and needs immedinate medical care."   
  
"How long until we are within transporter range?" Chakotay asked.   
  
"At the shuttle's current speed?" Bristow asked. "Eighteen minutes..." .   
  
Chakotay cursed slightly. Twenty minutes. And Captain was already telling them Paris needed an emergency beam out. That was not a good sign. She was telling thim that evey second counted.   
  
"How far are they from the boarders of Akritirians space?" Chakotay asked.   
  
"Five hundred thousand kilometers." Batehart, the officer at the conn replied.   
  
"How long would it take us to reach them?"   
  
"If we cross the broader, five minutes." Batehart replied.   
  
* If we cross the borader * A not so subtle reminder of what was at stake. They would be risking the entire crew for one man.... but Tom Paris had saved the ship and the crew a number of times. In fact, if it hadn't been for Tom Paris, the crew would be stranded on a primitive planet and the Kazon would still have Voyager. The helmsman had risked his life time after time for Voyager and her crew. It was time that crew risk something for Paris. And there was the fact that Chakotay still owed the man for saving his life back in the Ocompa caves.   
  
"Take us across the boarder Mr. Batehart." he said.   
  
"Aye sir." Batehart replied.   
  
Chakotay turned to Bristow. "And inform The Doctor and the transporter chief to prepare for an emergency transport."   
  
"Yes sir." Bristow replied.   
  
  
******************  
  
The steady alarm was beginning to wear on Janeway's nerves as Kes kept trying to revive Tom Paris. After what seemed like hours, although in must have been only a few minutes, Tom gasped for air. The medical tricorder's steady blare ended, and began keeping in time with the rise and fall of his chest. With a sigh of relief, Kes sat back on her heels.   
  
"Good job." Janeway said. She would have to make sure Kes would receive a citation when they got back to Voyager.   
  
The young woman blushed slightly. "Thank you Captain." she said glancing up at Janeway for only a second before she returned her focus to Tom. "But I don't know how much good all this will do." she looked over at the medical kit she had brought with her and shrugged her shoulders... "I just don't have the equipment needed to repair the damage. All I can do is ...."  
  
"Kes?" Neelix's voice came over the com. "We just about to enter transporter range."  
  
"So quickly?" Kes asked.   
  
"Voyager is meeting us inside Akritraian space." Neelix said.   
  
"I guess the Commander decided to risk crossing the borader." Janeway said softly. Just like she hoped he would..  
  
"Good thing that he did." Kes replied. Right now Tom needs every second." the young woman then taped her combadge. "Kes to Voyager." she said. "Two to beam directly to Sick-bay."   
  
A second later, the transporter beam enveloped Tom and Kes, and they disappeared. Janeway glanced over at Harry Kim, still curled in the fetal position. He hadn't moved, or spoken since Tom... since before Tom had been revived. She walked over to the young man and placed a hand on his knee. "Harry?" she said softly. It was not the time for protocol and formality.   
  
Harry didn't raise his head. "He can't die." he said over and over. She wasn't sure if he was talking to her, or to himself. Not that it mattered. There wasn't anything she could say. She couldn't tell him Tom wasn't going to die. They both knew he could. She couldn't tell him everything was going to be all right.... not until they knew for sure. All she could do was let him know she was there for him, if he wanted to talk. Now if only that would be enough. "I know." she said. "I know." she repeated, patting him on his shoulder. It wasn't much, but maybe he would realize that he wasn't alone.   
  
"Captain?" Neelix's voice came over the comm a few minutes later. "We've just received clearance to land in Voyager's shuttle bay" .  
  
So they were almost home.   
  
Janeway replied. "Thank you Neelix." A few seconds there a soft bump as Neelix landed the ship. With Tom there would haven't been a bump. It wasn't fair to Neelix she realized but she couldn't help it. Tom was so much more then just her helmsman. She wasn't sure what he was to her, all she knew she cared about him more then she had most of officers that had been under her command in the past. There was a great deal of potential there, it just needed to be guided a bit...   
  
"Harry?" Janeway asked softly. "We're home..." He nodded. "Thank you Captain." he said as he wiped his eyes. And tried to get his breathing under control. She watched as he tried to regain control of his emotions. "I'm fine now."   
  
Janeway had her doubts about that. But she didn't call him on it. "Let's go." she said.   
  
He smiled. "Aye Captain." he said softly.   
  
Chakotay and B'Elanna Torres were already in the shuttle bay when Harry and the Captain climbed out of the ship B'Elanna walked over to Harry and enveloped him in a crushing bear hug.   
  
"How are you doing Starfleet?" she asked when she let go.   
  
"Fine." he said as he stepped back, out of her reach. He was glad to see B'Elanna, but he didn't want to talk her right then. He wanted to do was go to Sick-bay. He HAD to find out if Tom was .... going to be all right.   
  
Janeway turned. "Ensign," she said a knowing smile on her face. . "Report to SickBay at once. I want either the Doctor or Kes examine you before we do anything else."   
  
"Aye Captain." he said, with a small smile. "Thank you Captain."   
  
"Captain," B'Elanna said. "If you don't need me for anything, I'd like to go SickBay myself." she said.   
  
Janeway nodded before falling into step with Chakotay as they left the shuttle bay.   
  
Harry glared at her. "I can get there myself." he said. He really didn't feel like company. Especially B'Elanna. He couldn't hide anything from her. She knew him to damn well.   
  
"All right," she said, "You can make it to sick-bay on your own." she increased her stride. "I'll see you there."   
  
"What?" Harry asked as he stopped. What did that mean? She was going to sick bay anyway?  
  
She stopped and turned. "You think you were the only reason I was going?" she asked But she didn't wait for his answer. "Don't flatter yourself, Starfleet." Her old nickname for him lessened the impact of the words and the tone. "I want to see how Tom was doing." she said.   
  
Wishing the floor would just open up and shallow him, Harry sighed. "Do you want someone to walk with you?" He still didn't feel like talking, but at the same time he didn't want to be alone.   
  
"Yeah," B'Elanna said. "That would be nice."  
  
  
  
*******************************  
  
"How is he?" Harry asked Kes while she scanned him with the tricorder. She had waylaid the pair the second they entered SickBay, steering them away form the surgical bay to one of auxiliary treatment areas.   
  
"The Doctor is doing everything he can," the young woman replied as she studied the tri-corder readings. But she didn't meet Harry's eyes.   
  
Why didn't any of them give him a stright answer? "That's not what I asked." Harry snapped. "I want to know... "  
  
"I don't know." Kes replied, softly, as she placed a hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, but I just don't know. If you want to talk..." she offered.   
  
  
"What good will talking do?" Harry asked shrugging the hand off. He didn't want their comfort, their understanding or pity. He didn't deserve them. Why couldn't anyone understand that?   
  
"Harry," B'Elanna said, placing her own hand on his shoulder. "Take it easy. You know the Doc and Kes are doing everything they can."   
  
Take it easy. Strange she should chose those words. He had said the exact same ones to Tom less then twenty-four hours ago. At the time, it had been so easy to say. He hadn't known about the clamp then. He hadn't had to cope with the pain, the intense never ending aggravations, the edgy feeling that never went away.... "What the hell do you know about it, B'Elanna?" he snapped, shrugging the hand off as well. The words were barely out of his mouth when he heard the hiss of a hypospray and sleep descended over him.   
  
*******************  
  
"Do you mind telling me what in the hell is going on?" B'Elanna asked as she helped Kes maneuver Harry on to the bio-bed. "Why was Harry acting... so strange?" He'd been acting like a jerk, but B'Elanna couldn't bring herself to call him that.  
  
"I'm not sure," Kes said with a hint of an ironic smile. "but I think it has something to do with this..." She moved to the top of the bed and tuned Harry's head and pushed back the thick jet black hair to revel a small metallic device.   
  
"The Akritirians's put that - that thing in him?" B'Elanna asked, her voice low and dangerous. How dare they... how dare they.. What about.... "What about Tom?" she asked as she glanced over at the treatment area.   
  
"There was one in his skull too." Kes replied, a dark tone in her voice too. "The doctor was able the remove it with out any problem. He doesn't think the device will cause and permanent damage."   
  
"That's good to hear." B'Elanna said though her teeth. She had to get out of here. The thought of what those.... p'kat had done, made her blood boil. If she ever saw an Akritirians again she would rip his throat out... Hmm that's not a bad idea.... She turned to Kes, who was preparing Harry for his treatment. She knew that Harry was all right. Or would be once Kes removed the device. But she needed to know about Tom. "Just how serious are Tom's injuries?" There was only one thing she wanted to know, but she couldn't ask that question.   
  
Kes paused for a few seconds. "Very serious." she said.   
  
"He's going to all right?" B'Elanna asked. Please tell me that he will surrive this.   
  
Again Kes paused. "I don't know." she said. "The knife did a lot of damage. It's nothing the doctor can't repair..."   
  
"But???" One thing Torres had learned long ago was that what doctors and medical personal didn't say was often as, or even more important then what they didn't say.   
  
"It's the infections..." Kes shook her head. "The Doctor is having problems isolating and treating some of the infections..." she sighed. "I just don't know..."   
  
  
It wasn't the reassurance she had wanted to hear, but at least Kes was being honest with her... "Look, I'll be back in a little while." she said. But let me know if things..." For some reason she couldn't voice the fear.  
  
Kes seemed to understand. "I'll keep you updated on both Tom's and Harry's conditions." she said.  
  
"Thanks." B'Elanna said. She quickly made her way to the holodecks. This time of night there should be one free. When she got there one of the smaller personal holodecks was free. Ordering one of the more difficult self defense program, and replacing the standard opponents with images of the Akritirians, she began the work out.   
  
  
*******************************  
  
"So how long until Mister Kim will be able to return to duty?' Janeway asked. So far the Doctor had only talked about Harry's physical injuries and recovery. Butshe was far more concerned about the young man's emotional and psychological recovery. Something had happened in that prison. She was sure of it. Tom's condition, serious as it was, was only one of the reasons Harry was so upset.   
  
The Doctor sighed. "At this time, I don't know Captain. And I couldn't even begin to guess." he sighed. "If it were simply a question of the physical injuries, I would say he could leave sick-bay in twenty-four hours and return to duty in seventy-two." he stood moved to the office window. "But then," he continued, starting out his two patients, "His physical injuries are not what you are worried about." He tuned back to the Captain. "Are they?"   
  
Janeway shook her head. "No" she replied. It amazed her how perceptive the doctor had become over the past two years.   
  
"I thought as much." The Doctor replied. "Unfortunately, most of my programming on psychology deals with the physiological causes and changes. There is some that deals with helping patient come to terms with their impending deaths, or with any possible permanent disability or injury. But post traumatic stress, that was not included." he folded his arms and leaned against the desk. "However, even with out that expertise, there is one thing I can tell you. It is my opinion that Mr. Kim's emotional recovery will depend a great deal on weather or not Mister Paris survives ."   
  
Survives. Not recovers. That told Janeway then she wanted to know. But she had to be sure. She was about to ask the Doctor what Tom's condition was a when another voice she was interrupted.   
  
"And just what are the Lieutenant's chances for surviving?" Tuvok asked as he entered the small office.   
  
Janeway turned. "What are you doing here Tuvok?" she asked her stomach tightening. For Tuvok to be here something had to wrong... Neither the Doctor or Tuvok were ones to waste time with a face to face debriefing. She had come to reassure herself that Tom and Harry were still alive. But Tuvok would not need that kind of human, emotional sentiment.   
  
"I asked him to come. " The Doctor replied, his tone ever more serious. "Right now, the lieutenant is critical condition." he said to both officers. . "I was able to repair most the damage the knife did, but the sanitary conditions were deplorable. It is no surprise that he developed a number of infections" The hologram sighed. "It is these infections, along with the blood loss and dehydration that are the real danger." The Doctor paused again. "But what really concerns me are the contusions. They weren=t life threatening" The Doctor shifted his weight. He seemed uncomfortable, almost nervous. "But their locations concerns me.."   
  
"And just where were these contusions located?" Tuvok asked.  
  
"His forearms." the Doctor replied. "and there were several on his shoulders and upper back."   
  
"I see." Tuvok replied.   
  
Janeway glance between the two men. She knew there was something she was missing, something about the locations of those injuries. She had noticed the bruises.. . they had been hard to miss, but she had just assumed Tom been in some fights. But it seemed that there was more to it then that. "Well maybe you do, Tuvok, but I don't." she said.   
  
The Doctor sighed. "I'm sorry, Captain. I sometimes forget that not everyone looks at injuries from the forensics point of view." he leaned against the desk. "Mr Paris had several contusions on his chest, stomach, a few on his lower back. Now while some can be explained by fights with the other prisoners, some of the them, particularly the ones to his for arms and shoulders can not. They just are not the kind one would get in normal, fair fight. They are the kind that one would get trying to protect himself from a stronger adversary."   
  
"Protecting himself?" Janeway asked, still not sure she understood. Self-defense was a part of Starfleet training, and she suspected that Tom knew how to defend even without using Starfleet methods.   
  
The Doctor sighed. "Perhaps a demonstration is the best way to show you what I mean." He turned toward Tuvok. "Lieutenant?" He asked. "Will you assist? "   
  
Tuvok nodded "Do I attack you or..."   
  
"Attack." the Doctor replied.   
  
Tuvok advanced on the Doctor. But instead defending himself the Doctor just raised his arms and tried to protect himself from the pounding fists...   
  
After a few blows, Tuvok stood back and the Doctor stood up. "Thank you, Mister Tuvok." he nodded.   
  
"Are you telling me," Janeway asked hoping she had somehow misunderstood. "That someone attacked Tom after he was stabbed?" she glanced between the Doctor and Tuvok. "When he couldn't defend himself?" She glanced over to the post surgical area of the sick-bay.   
  
"That is what the evidence would suggest." Tuvok said.   
  
"There's more." the Doctor continued. "Mr. Kim also had several contusions. In addition to the ones on his back and other places one would expect there are also several to his hands..."  
  
Janeway felt her stomach drop The Doctor couldn't be saying.... . "You can't mean..." She couldn't believe it. She didn't want to believe it.  
  
"As Mister Tuvok said," the Doctor said "That is what the evidence would seem to suggest."   
  
"And it would explain the Ensign's agitated state." Tuvok said.  
  
"There are elevated levels of acetylcholine in the hypothalamus." the Doctor continued. AIncreased levels of that brain chemical is often present in people that have committed violent crimes." .  
  
"So it is possible that Harry is responsible for some Tom's injuries." Janeway said softly, talking more to herself then either of the men. If that had happened, if that was what was bothering Harry, then helping the young man deal with what happened just became much more difficult.   
  
"This may not mean anything," the Doctor said, interrupting her thoughts. "But the Akritirians implanted some sort of device into both Mr. Paris' and Mr. Kim's skulls. I have yet to analyze what the effect of such an implant might be..."   
  
Janeway sighed. This was all a bit much... she couldn't take it all in. "Let me know what the results are when you find them..." She turned to Tuvok, "I want hold off any investigation until we get those results."  
  
"Of course Captain." Tuvok replied. "And if there is a connection?" he asked.   
  
"We don't file any charges..." Janeway replied. "I don't think it will help anyone to punish him more..."   
  
The Doctor cleared his throat. "There is one more thing." he said. "Given the friendship between Lt. Paris and Ensign Kim, I do not think that the Ensign will be able to get the rest he needs in Sick-bay."   
  
Janeway nodded her head. "I would tend to agree." she said.   
  
"But I am not comfortable with leaving him alone." the Doctor continued.  
  
She nodded again. "What if B'Elanna Torres were to stay with him?" she asked. "Kes can look in them every couple of hours." And B'Elanna might be able to get him to talk about what happened...   
  
The hologram nodded. "That's good idea." the he replied. "Kes or I can instruct her on what care the Ensign might require."   
  
Janeway nodded and tapped her badge, "Janeway to Torres."   
  
"Torres here." The chief engineer sounded out of breath.   
  
"B'Elanna, would you please meet me in my ready room?" she asked.   
  
There was a short pause. Torres ragged breathing continued. "Yes Captain." she said. "I'll be right there."   
  
"You don't have to hurry." Janeway said. "I'm still with the Doctor. I'll meet you there in five minutes."  
  
  
"Yes ma'am." B'Elanna replied in an even tone.   
  
Janeway turned to the Doctor. "Let me know if there is any change in Lieutenant Paris's condition."   
  
The Doctor nodded. "Should I contact you when I'm ready to release Mister Kim?"   
  
She nodded. "Please do." I'll be on the bridge or in my ready room."   
  
  
****************   
  
The Akritirians Ambassador fell into the growing pool of blood. B'Elanna tired to catch her breath, and put the Klingon half back where it belonged. Her brutality had taken her by surprise. She hadn't realized how much she hated the Akritirians. Or maybe it Lira she hated with such intensity. Maybe using his image hadn't been such a good idea after all.   
  
"Janeway to Torres."   
  
Please let there be something wrong in Engineering. Please let there be something wrong with Engineering. "Torres here." she said as she tried to catch her breath.   
  
"B'Elanna, would you please meet me in my ready room?" Janeway asked.   
  
NO! It can't be..... it can't be.... "Yes Captain." she said still breathing hard. But now it wasn't because she had been exercising. "I'll be right there." It's not what you think,. It's not what you think. She repeated the thought over and over.   
  
"You don't have to hurry." Janeway said. "I'm still with the Doctor. I'll meet you there in five minutes."  
  
It's not what you think. It's not what you think . "Yes ma'am." B'Elanna said, surprised by how calm she sounded. It was she thought. The Captain had contacted her from sick bay. To talk to B'Elanna in private. That couldn't mean... could it?   
  
With an agonized scream she leaped to the dead body, grabbed the knife again and pulled it from the dead body, and stabbed the Ambassador again. And again. Over and over. She didn't know who had stabbed had actually stabbed Tom., and she didn't really care. As far as she was concerned, Lira was just as, if not more, responsible for her friend's death... That was why she had chosen his image in the first place. A few minutes later her anger was spent. "Computer," she said as she stood. "End program."   
  
"Do you wish to save the image for later?" the computer asked.   
  
"No!" she said forcefully. I never want that bastard' s face as long as I live. She turned left the holodeck. "It's not what you think." she told herself. It's not what you think." she repeated the phrase the entire trip to the bridge. Maybe if she said it enough times it would be true.   
  
The bridge was quite when she got there, the Beta shift going about their duties. Tuvok, the officer on watch nodded at her. "The Captain is waiting for you, Ms. Torres." Like always, it was impossible to tell anything from Tuvok's expression or voice.   
  
"Thank you, Tuvok." she said. It's not what you think. It's not what you think. she repeated as she walked to Ready Room.   
  
"You wanted to see me, Captain?" she asked as she stepped inside.   
  
"Yes, I did." Janeway stood and moved around the desk. "Would like to sit down?" she asked.   
  
B'Elanna glanced at the Captain, trying to read the other woman's mood. But it was impossible. "No, ma'am." she said, watching Janeway out of the corner of her eye.   
  
A puzzled look flickered across the Captain's face, followed by a small smile. "It's not what you think B'Elanna." she said softly as she moved over to the younger woman. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner." Janeway said as she motioned for B'Elanna to sit down.   
  
"How is he?" B'Elanna asked.   
  
"The surgery was a success." Janeway replied in a cautious tone, without asking who B'Elanna was referring to. "But the Doctor is still not able to predict when Tom will recover."  
  
Or if he'll recover.   
  
".... about Tom.." Janeway said.   
  
"What?" B'Elanna asked. She hated to admit she hadn't been paying close attention hopefully Janeway would understand.   
  
"I said," Captain replied, with an understandig smile. "I didn't ask you here to update you on Tom's condition."   
  
"You didn't?" B'Elanna asked. "Then..." she broke off as the answer came to her. .   
  
"Harry." she said. "This is about Harry, right?" She suddenly realized she been so worried about Tom she had forgotten Harry. How strange he had acted... and the haunted look in his eyes.   
  
"Exactly." Janeway said with a nod as she sat on the couch. B'Elanna sat on chair next to her. "The Doctor will be releasing Mr. Kim in a few hours. There's no medical reason to keep there. In fact, sick-bay might impede Harry's recovery." There was a hint of an ironic smile on the Captain's face.   
  
"I'm not surprise." B'Elanna said. Until Tom was out of danger, it would be impossible for Harry to get any rest anywhere near Tom. But what did that have to do with her?   
  
"But at the same time he doesn't Harry to be left alone for any length of time."   
  
So that was the reason for this meeting. "And you want me to stay with him..." B'Elanna said.   
  
"This isn't an order," Janeway said. "But yes... I want you to stay with him. I also want you to him to talk about the last few days.." Janeway leaned forward and lowered her voice.   
  
"We don't know everything that happened in that prison. What we do know is ... disturbing."   
  
The Captain shook her head. "I don't want to go into details, but I do know Harry is going need someone to help him through this...."   
  
"And with Tom in SickBay, that leaves me." B'Elanna said.   
  
The Captain nodded. "The Doctor will fill you in on all you need to know." She handed B'Elanna a PADD. "I'm temporally transferring you to Medical." she said with a smile. "I'm sure that engineering van do with out you for a few days."   
  
"I hope so." B'Elanna replied. She and the entire staff had just complete a major overall of every system. There hadn't be any problems for at least a few days....   
  
"The Doctor will contact you when Harry is ready." Janeway said. Although she did not say "Dismissed." her tone clearly implied the word.   
  
******************  
  
//Tom was asleep when Harry got back to the shelter. Good Harry thought. It would easier to check the bandages this way. With a bit of luck, Tom would sleep through the entire procedure. Harry didn't feel like explaining to the delirious man where they were and what had happened yet again.   
  
He carefully lifted the bandage and studied the gaping wound. The light wasn't that good, but it looked to Harry like the bleeding had stopped. He breathed a sigh of relief... He'd really been worried that Tom would bleed to death. But now there were other concerns. The wound was clearly infected, and Harry could easily see that Tom had a fever. A high one. He was drenched in sweat, his face flushed. And the only thing Tom had done for the past few hours was sleep .... while Harry had done all the work.... As he placed a clean stripe of cloth over the wound, Tom stirred.  
  
"Harry?" Tom asked. . "Harry? That you?" Toms's eyes opened and flickered around the small cell before they came to rest on Harry. But instead of the fear, confusion and pain Harry expected, the clear blue eyes were calm... almost at peace, which terrified Harry even more.   
  
Harry nodded. "It's me." he said. "How do you feel?" Talk about your stupid questions, but he couldn't think of anything else.  
  
"Not so good." Tom said. There was almost no volume to his voice at all. "Side hurts." he shallowed. "And 'm hot.."   
  
"You were hurt in a fight with one of the other prisoners." Harry told him. "But don't worry, you're going to O.K."   
  
" ...tired...." Tom replied. But the word was so slurred Harry could barely hear it.   
  
"I know you're tired," Harry replied as he placed a clean strip of cloth over the wound. "I'm going to get us , both of us, out of here. So you'll just have hang in there." He tried to make it sound like an order... but it didn't quite work.. You're not going to die on me. Do you hear me Tom Paris? I'm not going to let you die. I don't know if I can survive here without   
you to look out for me....   
  
Tom laughed softly.. "Always look on the bright side, don't ya Harry..." he said grabbing one of Harry's wrist and tried to sit up. "Promise me, you won't lose that..."  
  
"Don't talk like that." Harry snapped as returned to his work.   
  
Tom didn't release his grip through. "Just promise me..." he rasped, his tone desperate.   
  
Harry glared at his friend. He was about to tell him to shut up and not waste his strength,   
when the grip loosened... and Tom dropped back to the floor.   
  
"No!" Harry cried. "You're not going to leave me Tom." he said. "Don't leave me here all alone." He moved up to Tom's shoulders. "Don't go. Stay with me..." But there wasn't any response. "No!'" he yelled. "Tom! NO!" //  
  
  
  
"No!" he cried again, this time waking up. Where the hell was he?? Sick-bay. I'm in sick-bay. "A dream," he said softly. "It was just a dream..."   
  
The Doctor suddenly appeared next to his bed. "Ensign Kim," the hologram asked. "How are you feeling?"   
  
/How am I feeling?/ Tom was the one who had been hurt. Why aren't you taking care of him? "Tom." Harry said as he sat there trying to get his breathing under control, rid of the images of the dream from his mind. A dream. That's all it was... just a horrible, terrible dream...   
  
He and Tom were in Sick-bay, back on Voyager. The Captain, Tuvok and Neelix had come after them, rescued them from the prison. The Doctor "How's Tom?" he asked "He'll be OK, won't he?" Tell me he is going to be OK. Please tell me he is going to be OK.  
  
"There were no problems with the surgery," the Doctor said.   
  
But something in his voice told Harry there was another problem "But..." he prompted.   
  
"But there are a number of infections, some of them are not in my database." The Doctor replied. "Kes and I are doing everything we can to isolate the infections and devise a cure."   
  
"And if you can't isolate those infections?" Harry asked.   
  
The Doctor sighed. "You want to know if Lieutenant Paris will die?" he asked with his usual bluntness. Somehow Harry was reassured by that. At least the doctor wasn't going to try and be nice. Or pretend that things were not as bad as Harry knew they were. Unable to find his voice, he nodded.   
  
The Doctor sighed again, and paused as if choosing his words carefully. "I don't know.. But I can tell you that I will do everything in my power to prevent it."   
  
"Can I see him?" Harry asked.   
  
"Ensign, Lieutenant Paris is in a coma," the Doctor said softly. "I doubt he would be aware of your presence."   
  
"I don't care." Harry replied, unable to explain why he had to see Tom. How could he say he wanted to make sure that Tom was alive? Even if it was only half alive.   
  
"Very well." the Doctor said. "But only with the understanding that you stay only a fewminutes. Then I want you go to your quarters and get some rest. Lt. Torres has agreed to stay with you, and make sure these orders." The hologram's tone left no room for argument. "You have your own injuries to recover from, and it won't do the Lieutenant. any good if you worry your self sick."   
  
Harry nodded. "Fine." he said, as he moved towards Tom's bed. He'd agree to anything at that moment. He couldn't shake the dream... Tom's death. He had to see for himself that Tom was still breathing.   
  
"I'll inform Ms. Torres that you are ready." The Doctor said.   
  
Harry jumped off his bed and walked to the bed along the far wall. Kes was standing to one side, monitoring Tom's life signs. "How is he?" Harry asked softly.   
  
Kes looked up. "Stable for now." she said. Kes smiled again and moved to office. Harry slowly moved to his friend's side. Tom's face was still flushed, but his breathing was much easier then it had been. It almost looked like he was sleeping. An old cliche, but true.  
  
In the back of his head he remember something he had heard about people in comas being able to hear what people had said to them while they were in the coma,. He wasn't sure if that was true, but he would try anything at might work.   
  
But what to talk about? A thought stuck him. The game they had been playing prison.   
  
"Hey Tom," he said softly. "I think I can top the steak dinner..." with a smile he began taking about the picnic they would take Jenny and Meg on when Tom got out of Sick-Bay  
  
  
**************  
  
B'Elanna wasn't surprised Harry at Tom's bedside. She was started to join him, but first she wanted to talk to Kes. There were a few things she needed to know first. "How's he doing?" she asked. "Harry, I mean. How is he holding up?"  
  
"Not good." Kes replied softly. "Just before he woke up, he had a some kind of nightmare. I think he is still unnerved by it."   
  
"So what does the Doc want me to do?" B'Elanna asked.   
  
"Not much." Kes said. "Physically Harry is fully recovered. There don't seem to any effects from the implants. Right now what he needs most is rest. And someone to talk to."   
  
  
"And the Doctor doesn't think he'll get the rest he needs here. " B'Elanna said softly. Not with his best friend less then ten feet away and fighting for his life.   
  
Kes shook her head. "No. And I know he won't." she sighed. "The doctor wants you to give him a sedative when you get him to his quarters." She handed B'Elanna a small medical kit. "And you might get try and talk to him about what happened to him in prison." Kes continued "Something did, and I'm not sure how willing he's going to be to talk about it."   
  
B'Elanna smiled slightly. "I'll try." They moved over to the bed. Harry was talking to Tom, talking about a picnic with Megan and Jenny Deleny. A picnic?   
  
"Harry..." Kes said softly. "You have to go now...."   
  
B'Elanna decided on a more direct approach. "Come on Starfleet," she said taking his elbow. "Let's go."   
  
Harry glared at her, but offered no resistance as she pulled/escorted/dragged him from the bed and out of Sick-bay. Not a word was spoken as she lead them down the corridor to the turbo-lift. But once they were instead Harry stepped out of her grasp.   
  
"I..." he began. "I want to apologize for earlier." he said moving to other side of the small room. "I know that it's no excuse, but..."  
  
The turbo-lift stopped when it reached Harry's deck. "Apology accepted." she said as they stepped out of the lift and continued to Harry's quarters. "I know that you had a lot on your mind. Besides," she said with a small smile, "I don't think I can complain about someone snapping at me..."   
  
She was glad when she saw a small smile. "I guess," he said, as they reached his door.   
  
"Harry..." she said softly not sure what else to say.   
  
"I'm okay, B'Elanna," he replied not meeting her eyes. "I'm going to try get some sleep." he said sharply.   
  
He wasn't okay. She knew that, but she also knew it wouldn't do any good to press him.   
  
She would let him sleep, and then she would question him, try and make him talk about whatever it was that was bothering him.   
  
She sat on the couch and called up novel she had started a few days ago. A trashy romance she had found in the ships data banks. She had intended to read on shore leave, but that hadn't happened. She would read now because she wanted something were she didn't have to think to much. She had so much on her mind., and lot she needed to think about.   
  
Had it really only been four days since Jackson had refused to beem her down? It seemed more like four years.  
  
  
///"What do you mean no?" B'Elanna Torres had asked the young Ensign behind the transporter console. She had finally tracked down and corrected the problem that had kept her from being able to go with Tom and Harry to Akritira on Shore Leave. Now she was looking forward to jioning them for a dinner and show in the capital city.   
  
"Ca - Ca - Captain's order's." the young man said. "All shore leave has been canceled and no one is allow to beam down."   
  
"You beamed everyone back?" Torres asked. "Including Lieutenant Paris and Ensign Kim.?"   
  
The young man shook his head. "You'll have to talk to the Captain. "  
  
Compleatly baffled, B'Elanna tapped her combadge. "Torres to Janeway," she said.   
  
There was pause, then Janeway replied. "Janeway here." The tension was clear in her voice, even to Torres. " What is it B'Elanna?"   
  
"What's going on? Why have you canceled all shore leave? And.."  
  
"There's been an explosion on the surface." Janeway said. Then she paused. "If you want to know more, meet me in my ready room and I'll tell you every thing we know... even though it is not much."   
  
"What about Tom and Harry?" B'Elanna asked.   
  
"That was one of the things we don't know." Janeway replied. "But I am deterimed to find out. We're not leaving orbit until we know what happened to them." //  
  
  
True to her word, the captain had done very thing in her power to convince the Akritareans to tell her what happen the the mssing pair, but the government fought her at every trun. After what seemed like an enterity, though the ships chronometers insisted was only three days, the Ambassodor infromed them that Tom and Harry had been convited of the bombing. Futher, they wanted to board Voyager to find the evidince that Voyager had supplied the material needed to construct the bomb.   
  
  
********************  
  
//The other prisoners were shouting. Some were cheering for Pit, others just wanting to see a good fight. Tom circled again his opponent one more time. He *had* to win this fight. Tom had met enough men like Pit during his "stay" at Auckland, and he wasn't about to let Pit have the chance to get his hands on Harry. There wasn't a doubt in his mind about what would happen... And he would anything he could to prevent that. He had to win. He had to win, he had to win. He had to look out for Harry... he had to, he had to.   
  
Pain, piercing through is lover left side.... he glanced down, horrified when he saw the knife embedded in his rib cage. Oh God, Oh God, I'm dead.... no way I can survive this. ... his legs gave out and he slowly dropped to the ground.   
  
Yells, shouts suddenly came and someone was kneeling next to him. "I'm getting you out of here." the person, one of his closet friends he realized said. He nodded, unable to do or say anything else. ...   
  
Hand, one moving around the wound, the other supporting him... then letting go. Other hands, this time lifting him of the ground. Harry, he realized, it was Harry who was carrying him. Or at least trying to... the height difference meant the Harry was half carrying, half dragging him... Maybe he should help. He wasn't sure why, but he didn't think Harry could carry his full weight, if he passed out.   
  
Not that he was much help to his young friend... Quite the opposite in fact. He had just become a major hindrance. There was no way he was going to be able to get back up the Chute. Harry still could, but would he? He didn't think so. Harry wasn't the type to leave people behind, even someone like Tom Paris.... Have to make sure that Harry will take of himself.... I can't do it anymore... "Harry." he began. "I'm hurt pretty bad..." But Harry didn't pay any attention and continued to drag Tom from hut to hut, trying to find someone that would help them.... But as Tom knew would happen, not one of the prisoners took Harry up one his offer.. Why should they? All they would have to do is wait, and they would still get what they really wanted ... Harry. And they wouldn't have to waste any precious supplies on a dead man.... //  
  
  
Awareness, the low hum of Voyager's warp engine, sound he thought he would never hear again, slowly began to filter through his conscious. Home. He was home... but how? The last thing he remembered was the prison, Harry protecting him from the other prisoners.... how had they gotten here? Images, memories of the past few days began, a small confined place, someone carrying him... Back up the chute, he realized. But that couldn't have been Harry... the younger, smaller man wasn't strong enough to carry someone Tom's size. So how had they gotten out?   
  
Or had they. Maybe this was all a dream... a delusion from the fever he no longer had, or the clamp... that he no longer felt.... If this was a dream, he didn't want to leave... But he had to find out. Slowly he opened his eyes, and realized he was in sick-bay.   
  
Almost at once Kes was at his side. "You're awake," she said with a warm, relieved smile. "Do you know where you are?"   
  
Why was it doctors and medical personal always wanted to know if you knew where you were? It always struck him as such a stupid question.... He nodded again. "Voyager." he said, taking a deep breath. "Home."   
  
"Good." Kes said as she touched a few keys, starting the bio- beds diagnostic.   
  
There was something wrong here. Something missing. He wasn't quite sure what it was... then suddenly he had it. "Harry?" he asked. "Where's Harry? He's all right isn't he?"   
  
"He's in his quarters," Kes replied. "And yes.. he's fine. The doctor took out the clamp... he does not think there'll be any complications."   
  
Relief flooded though Tom... Even though he hadn't been there to protect him, Harry had survived. He didn't have yet another friends death on his conscious. He may have failed again, but at lest no one had died. He closed his eyes, suddenly to tired, to weary to think about it any more.   
  
************************   
  
  
  
//The body lay in a heap on the floor of Zio's hut. Even in the dim light, Harry could see blonde hair, matted with blood and several bumps that should not be there. Harry moved in closer, then realized why the form looked so familiar....  
  
"Tom?" he asked as he knelt next the prone figure. The damage was even worse close up... no one could have survived that kind of damage. Tom was so still that Harry didn't need a tricorder to see that he wasn't breathing. He reached for a pulse, but the skin under his fingers was cool, almost cold. "Tom??" he asked again. But he knew his friend couldn't hear him. Would never hear him, or anything again. He noticed the blood covered pipe next to the body, and with crystal clarity remembered what had happened.   
  
****************   
  
Harry tried to grab the pipe. If Tom hadn't damaged it much , maybe he could still fix it. But Tom wouldn't let go. He wanted to keep it. When Harry tried to pull put of his hands, Tom shoved him. Even though the other man was considerable weaker, the shove caught Harry off guard and he fell back, hitting the wall with a soft, and barely felt, thud and slid to the floor. That was it -that was the last straw. If Tom wanted a fight, and he clearly did, Harry would be happy to oblige.   
  
With a shout, he flew at his friend, grabbed the other man by his shirt and vest, slammed  
him into the shelter's wall, and began slamming his fits into the helpless body over and over. Vaguely he was aware that Tom yelling at him, pleading with him to stop but he continued, now even angrier. After all Harry had done in the past few hours where the hell did Tom get off telling him what to do? Tom hadn't done anything in the lie around dream on Megan Deleny...   
  
His fists weren't doing enough damage. He needed something with more force. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the pipe. The one Tom , for some reason, had just destroyed, ruining any chance Harry had of getting them out of there. But it wasn't completely useless. There were other uses for it. Ones that didn't require things like wires... You want this pipe so bad Tom he raised his arms I'll give it to you.. He slammed the pipe into the others man's skull again and again...   
  
  
*********  
  
The images of what he had done repeated over and over like a Holodeck program stuck in  
a loop, Oh God... I didn't ... I couldn't have... But the proof was laying in front of him. Horrified, he the began backing away from the crumpled form. Oh God... Tom... you can't be... I can't have... I couldn't have.... I ... just killed you... "NO!" he shouted. "NO! NO! NO! NO!" //  
  
  
"NO!" Harry cried as he bolted up in bed. He sat there for several seconds gasping for breath.   
  
B'Elanna jumped at young mans shouts. "Harry?" she asked as sat on the bed next to him. "Harry?" she asked again. "Are you all right?" ..   
  
He sat there for several seconds, gasping for breath. "B'Elanna?" he asked, but without turning to her.   
  
"Who else?" she asked, hoping to lighten his mood.   
  
Harry climbed out of the bed. and walked over to the window. "That means that Tom is SickBay, right?" He asked staring out the at the stars.   
  
She nodded, then realized he wouldn't have been able to see that."Kes contacted me about ten minutes ago." she began, glad she could report good news. She didn't want to think what might happen if Tom were to die. "She said that Tom had briefly woke up.... and it looks like he is going to make a complete recovery. " she paused, allowing him to absorb the news.   
  
When he didn't respond she tried a different track. "How did you sleep?" she asked. It was the only thing she could thing of. The disillusioned stance and expression was heartbreaking. Harry had always been so.... optimistic. Even in the Ocompa city, he never gave up hope they would be rescued. And he had been one of the last people on the ship to admit their chances of getting home, were remote at best. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asked, not sure what she should say.   
  
He whirled from the view outside to face her. "Talk about what?" he asked bitterly. "The hell I've been through for the past few days?" He prowled the room. "How I wouldn't have even survived my first few minutes in that hell if it hadn't had been for Tom? What about.... " he broke off, tears evident in his voice. "How about the fact the only reason he was stabbed was he was protecting me?" he dropped down on his bed.  
  
"Protecting you? From what or whom?" B'Elanna asked, before realized what Tom had been protecting Harry from. She was just surprised Harry knew. The withering glance that came her way confirmed her suspicions. "I....." she began, not sure what she could say. "I...." she tired again. " I didn't know that what the fight was about." she finally managed to choke out.   
  
"That's what it was about." he said in a small voice looking at the floor. "One of the prisoners, a guy by the name of Pit..." he paused, seeming to have problems with the next words. "He wanted... me. Tom kept challenging him."   
  
"That sounds like Tom." she said softly. And it did, Tom was always looking out for the younger man. "But I think there's more to it then that." as crossed the room and sat on the bed with him. "And I think that it would help to talk about it..." She wasn't sure she wanted to know, she had heard enough horror stories about Cardassians prisons when she had been in Maquis to last her a lifetime, but Harry needed to talk to someone. Normally that person would be Tom, but Tom couldn't be here... "There's more to this then what those bastards did to Tom."   
  
He chuckled. It was a bitter, anger sound. One she never thought she would hear from Harry Kim. "Funny you should say that." he said. "No it's not what they did to Tom," another chuckle. "It's what I did... almost did.... wanted to do to him."   
  
"Excuse me?" B'Elanna asked, sure she hadn't heard right. What could Harry, Harry of all people, have done that was so horrible?   
  
He sighed. "Almost from the moment I arrived, right up till he was stabbed, Tom did everything he could to protect me. Not just form the other prisoners, but from the effects of the clamp." he began. Slowly he told her tell her what the past few days had been like. Landing in that center chamber. The other prisoners all wanting a piece of him, until Tom stepped in and lay his claim. How he and Tom had been working on a way out when Pit and some of the others stumbled on them, the fight that may still cost Tom his life. The bargain he had stuck with Zio, a deal with the devil that may have saved Tom's life. The discovery that they weren't underground at all, but on a space station - so there was no way out.   
  
"What happened then?" she asked when he paused.   
  
"We went back to Zio's hut to figure out our next move." he said. "Tom was asleep, but woke up when I was trying to clean the wound. At first he seemed all right..." he paused and looked at her. "Well, maybe not all right, but he was... coherent, he knew where we were, what had happened, who I was. ... But a few minutes later, he even knew who I was..."  
  
"What makes you say that?" she asked.  
  
"He thought I was the one that had stabbed him. He wouldn't..." An odd sound, half laugh, half cry escaped Harry's lips. "He wouldn't let me help him... He really thought I was going to hurt him. That I had hurt him." the bitter smile return. "He grabbed the pipe I was working on, to protect himself. But I managed to convince him that... that... I wasn't going to.... that I wasn't ...." he couldn't continue. "But..."  
  
"But?" she asked. This wasn't going where she thought it was going. He wasn't going to tell her what she was thinking...  
  
"It wasn't five hours later that I came within a second of using that pipe to smash his skull." Harry replied.   
  
"You tired to what?" she asked. I just heard him wrong. That's what happened. I just heard him wrong. Harry did NOT just tell me he tried to kill Tom.   
  
But he hadn't seemed to have heard her. She wondered if he even remembered she was there. "I'd just tried to convince some of the other prisoners we were on a space station, not underground. But of corse they didn't believe me." he said. "When I got back to the shelter, Tom was... he had taken apart the pipe. Our only chance to get out of there, and he ruined it." the bitter laugh returned. "I asked him what he was doing... " He snorted. "- as if he could give a cohesive reply - but he didn't really answer. Just kept saying that the pipe was his. Just like a little kid would." He shook his head, and looked sideways at her. "I tried to take it from him, and he shoved me. Not hard, but it was enough to knock me off balance."   
  
"What then?" B'Elanna asked. She didn't want know... didn't want to hear this but Harry needed to talk about it and there was really no one else.   
  
He met her eyes for a second then broke eye contact. "I lost it." he said softly, his voice full of self-recrimination. "I grabbed him and slammed him against the wall. Then I began hitting him over and over." he smiled a dark smile. "I think that brought him to his senses, because he began yelling for me to stop." the smile faded and his expression became grim once more. "But that only made me madder. The more he yelled, the harder I hit. He must have dropped the pipe, because the next thing I know.... I had it in my hands and was just about to..."  
  
"Just about to what?" B'Elanna asked.   
  
  
"I was just about to smash that damn pipe into his skull." he turned away again unwilling, unable to face her.   
  
"What stopped you?" she asked. She wasn't sure what else to say. No wonder Harry was having so much trouble dealing with what had happened. He was the least violent person she knew.   
  
"Just before I was going to hit him with the pipe I realized what I was doing." He returned his attention to her. "Zio walked in and.... he said Go ahead.... Finish him.' Tom was huddle there, by then he was to weak to fight, so he just curled up to protect himself, and he just stared at me..." he closed his eyes for a few seconds swallowed a few times. "Didn't say a word. But I could the terror in his eyes." he turned to her. "I backed away and ran. I had to get out of there as fast as I could." he paused once more and turned away again. "I didn't trust myself. I knew that if I stayed there Tom would say something... do something that would set me off again."  
  
"You're not saying that what happened was Tom's fault?"  
  
"No." Harry said. "I.... I knew that I was... that I was the one that was out of line." He began walking around again. "But at the time that didn't matter. " he shook his head again. "Anyway, Zio followed. He knew that I .... what I wanted to do. When I said that Tom was best friend, he told that he wasn't my friend anymore... he was a burden."   
  
"What did you say?" she asked.  
  
"I told him to shut up." Harry said. "But he just continued with all the reason why Tom was... an albatross. But even as I was telling him to get away, there was a part of me that thought he was right... that Tom was... " he broke off unable to say anymore. "in the way. That my life... in there... would be so much easier if I didn't have to take care of him..." He stared at the his hands. "Then Zio gave his knife and for a few minutes..." he paused again, his voice soft and even, a stark context what he was saying.. " For a few minutes, I.... I considered what he was telling. me. It would have been so easy... " he broke off again,, and whirled to her. "What kind of friend am I?" he asked. She wasn't sure if he was talking to her or just asking a question. "What kind of person does that make me?"   
  
"An imperfect one." she said softly. "One that had a momentary slip, when they were under a tremendous amount of stress..."  
  
He snorted. "I wouldn't call wanting to kill my best friend just because I had to take care of him a momentary slip B'Elanna."   
  
B'Elanna winced at the tone as much as the words. What could she say? What could she say that would help him? "Are you sure you wanted to kill him, and not just out of his pain?"  
  
"What's the difference?" he asked.   
  
"'What's the difference?'" she repeated. "There's a huge difference." she leaned towards him. "Did you think, really think , that Tom was going to get better?"   
  
"Yes.... no... I don't know...." Harry. "I guess I knew that.... there was almost no chance. But, even so ......"   
  
  
"You never gave up hope." B'Elanna said softly. Of corse he couldn't give up hope. That wouldn't be Harry. .   
  
Harry shook his head. "I couldn't. Not when..."  
  
"When what?" she asked, afraid that she knew where this was going to lead.   
  
Harry closed his eyes. "Not when everyone else in there was acting like he was already dead"   
  
"How'd they do that?" she asked, more to keep talking then to learn any more of the morbid details of her friends' journey through hell.   
  
"People kept claiming his stuff.... His clothes, boots, things like that." Harry said. The small, bitter laugh returned. "You know I've heard of not waiting for the body to get cold, but that was....." He broke off. "But, even though everyone in that place had given Tom up for dead, I couldn't. I couldn't just give up on him.." he sighed. "I didn't want to be like...." he broke off before he could continue.   
  
Just like everyone else in his life who had washed their hands of him in the past. B'Elanna realized. No wonder Harry was so upset. ."So you stayed with him...." she said softly.   
  
"But..." Harry said.   
  
"But nothing..." she said. "Harry... You may have wanted to leave him., but you didn't. You may considered killing him, but you didn't. You stuck by him..... even though it would have you life harder. And he would have never been able help you again. And that is what friends do for each other."   
  
"Yeah I guess." he said. "I'm going back to bed." he stood and walked back to the bedroom.   
  
She watched him not sure what else she could do for him. Now she knew what was wrong, for all the good it would do... There wasn't anything anyone could say to Harry to ease his guilt... All they could do was help him learn to live with it, and not let it destroy him.   
  
She sat back on the couch. Inquisitive by nature, she hated ignorance with a passion. For the first, and she hoped the last, time she understood just what "Ignorance is bliss" meant. With a glance at the bedroom, she hoped that Harry would sleep through the night. She didn't think she could handle any more revelations like the ones she had heard in the twenty minutes. B'Elanna was no stranger to darker side of her own nature, she had never really thought about Harry's. She never really thought of Harry has having a dark side. As she closed her eyes and let sleep claim her, she wished for that ignorance again.   
  
.   
  
************************  
  
  
"Tom?" a familiar, and sorely missed voice asked, pulling Tom from the dream.   
  
"B'Elanna?" he asked, as he opened her eye, pleased when he saw her standing at his bedside. "Hi." It wasn't the most original things in the universe, but he couldn't think of anything else.   
  
"Hi yourself," she said, with a smile. "You certainly look better then the last time me saw you." with a glancing over his bed.   
  
"We?" he asked turning his head. "Harry," he said, but couldn't think of anything else to say.   
  
"How are you feeling?" Harry asked, not meeting Tom's eyes.   
  
Why did Harry have to ask that? Tom could have answered anything but that. Right now, he still felt lousy, tired, sore and drained, but he couldn't tell Harry that. "Alive." he said after a few mintues.   
  
Harry glanced over at B'Elanna for a few second, then returned to studding the carpet.   
  
"That bad?" he asked.   
  
Tom glanced over at B'Elanna, not surprised by the concerned look on her face, only now it wasn't concern for him, but for their younger friend. "It could be worse," he said hoping his horse voice wouldn't contradict what he was about to say. "I could be feeling nothing at all."   
  
As soon as he said it, Tom realized it was the worst thing he could have said. All the color drained from Harry's face as he quickly stood. "I guess so." he managed to stammer as he backed away form the bed.   
  
Tom tried to reach out to his young friend. "Harry..." he said, watching the Ensign's retreat with a sinking heart. He had hoped the nightmares, both the sleeping and waking, had been just that.... nightmares inspired either by his fever or the clamp. But if Harry's reaction was any indication it they hadn't been. "Damn." he said softly falling back into the bed. It really had happened... Harry really had almost tried to kill him.   
  
He closed his eyes, trying to lock out the memories of the last attack. It didn't work though. He could no longer see the attacker, but he could still hear him. Still feel the fists pounding into him. He knew he would for a long time to come.   
  
But as bad as his scrambled memories were, they were nothing compared to the ones Harry must be carrying around with him. He glanced over at B'Elanna, maybe she could talk to Harry.... once he told her what had happened. The pained expression on her face, made him stop. She knew, he realized. She knew what had happened in the Akritraian prison. "B'Elanna..." he began.   
  
"I know." she replied. "And I've tried to talk to him about it, but .... he wasn't ready to listen." She glanced down, meeting his eyes. "And I don't think he ever will be ready to listen to me." she continued.   
  
This time it was Tom who replied. "I know." he said softly realizing that he was going to have to have a long talk with they younger man., and as soon as possible. But he wasn't sure what he could tell Harry. Maybe how much he appreciated how Harry had protected him at the end. When other prisoners were moving in for the kill. He could still hear his friend words. It was something he would ever forget. This man is my friend... nobody touches him.... It didn't matter that he was as good as dead, Harry was still willing to die to protect him. Tom didn't know what he had done to earn a friend like that , but he was glad he had one. That seemed as good a place as any to start. "I'll try and get him to talk about it later." He wanted to say more, but he was suddenly very tired. He closed his eyes, but didn't fall a sleep right away. He could still hear B'Elanna's voice.   
  
"I think that will help." B'Elanna said. "And I just wanted to let you know how glad I am that you are OK. And not just because how it would effect Harry...."   
  
Tom smiled. "Thanks." he said. "I think...."  
  
"Lieutenant Torres," A new voice, the Doctor, he realized said. . "While Mr. Paris as made significant improvements in the last twenty four hours..."  
  
  
"You want me to leave?" B'Elanna asked.   
  
"In a word, yes." The Doctor replied.   
  
"I'll see you later," B'Elanna said as she stood.   
  
"I'm looking forward to it." Tom said as she left. And he was. But he was also glad she had left. He had a lot of thinking to do. He had to find a way to help his young friend. How, he had no idea. He couldn't really get out of his bio-bed... and it didn't look like Harry could even stay in the same room with him. So how could Tom help?   
  
He couldn't. That meant that someone else would have to do so. But who? B'Elanna knew what happened... or at least Harry's version of everts., and she would be able to get Harry to talk about it. And she would be willing to help, but would she be able to? B'Elanna was one of the most practical people he had ever meet., and Tom knew, better then most, that guilt was one emotion that did respond well to a practical argument.   
  
"Tom?" Kes asked as she crossed the room. "Would you like something to eat?"   
  
His mind still milling over how to help Harry Tom glanced up at the young woman. "Huh?" he asked. "Oh... yeah, I guess." he said. "Just not anything with leaola root"  
  
Kes smiled. "The Doctor said he wanted to start you off on liquids. You haven't had anything to eat for almost five days."   
  
"Tell me about it." Tom muttered.   
  
"Tom you don't want to have to talk about this if you don't want to... but what happened in the Akritraian prison."   
  
Tom closed his eyes... trying to block the images.... "A nightmare." he replied. "But I think that is was worse for Harry then it was for me." He opened his eyes and gave her his best smile. "Do you think you can talk to him for me?" he asked. "I would.... but I think that I would only make things worse."   
  
Kes returned his smile with one of her own. "I doubt that. " she replied. "I do know the Captain asked B'Elanna to talk with him.... but I don't know how much good it did."   
  
"Maybe he needs more then just a friend." Tom after a several moments consideration.   
  
"Maybe," Kes replied.   
  
"Kes... he needs someone to talk to." he looked at her.   
  
Kes nodded. "I talk to him." she said softly, then looked at him sternly. "But you have to eat your soup..."   
  
Tom smiled at the sudden change in attitude. "Yes ma'am" he replied. He hoped that Kes would be able to help Harry Either way he was going to have a talk with his young friend...but that talk would be a lot easier if Harry wasn't still consumed by guilt over an something he had no control over.   
  
  
  
. **********************  
  
Harry didn't know where he was going.... he just knew he had to get away from Tom. Maybe later, they would be able to talk about what had happened...but not now. It was to soon. The pain was to raw.   
  
Some how he found himself near the mess hall. At this time of day, - halfway through the Alpha shift. it was empty. Only Neelix was there, moving about in the galley. When Harry entered the room he looked out. "May I help you... Oh, Mister Kim its you." He paused, as if not sure what to say next. " It's nice to see you up and about.. How... how is Tom doing?"   
  
"OK I guess" Kim said, not able to meet the other's mans eyes.   
  
. "Harry?"   
  
He turned, only mildly surprised to see Kes standing near the entry.   
  
"What?" he asked, then mentally kicked himself for the harsh tone. This wasn't Kes' fault.   
  
"Tom was worried about you," she said. "And he's not the only one.."  
  
"I'm OK." Harry said. "I'm not the one who was stabbed. I'm not the one that..." he broke off, and took a deep breath. "I'm fine." he gave her a weak smile.   
  
"That's not what I meant and you know it." she replied, frustration evident in her voice. "Neelix would you mind?"   
  
Harry turned away form the pair, but heard Neelix's reply. "Of corse darling." he said.   
  
"Tom was worried about how you might be handling what happened." Kes said after a minute of silence.   
  
He glanced at her. He supposed he shouldn't be to surprised. It sounded like Tom. Great. Just great. I try to kill him and he's worried about how I'm coping.   
  
Kes took a deep breath before she replied. "Harry," she began. "I don't know what happened in that prison, and I don't really care. I only know that it's tearing you apart. And that Tom is very worried about you."   
  
"I tried - no - I wanted to- kill him." he said. He wasn't sure why he blurted it out like he had. A part of him hoped that if she knew what had happened she would know why he didn't need.... didn't deserve any of the concern she and everyone else had been so willing to give.   
  
"Oh Harry." she said, moving closer instead of away. "I'm sorry....."   
  
  
"You're sorry?" Harry asked, unable to believe what he was hearing. "I just told you that I tried to kill my best friend ... that I wanted him to die, just so I wouldn't have to take care of him and you tell me you're sorry?"   
  
"Yes." Kes replied. "I'm sorry. Sorry that you had to go through that.... Both you and Tom. And Harry, not matter what you may think, you didn't want to kill Tom."   
  
"How can you know that?" Harry asked.  
  
"Because I was there with you and Tom on Neelix's ship." she said. "You were exhausted... at the end of your rope, you only concern was Tom. And I was there when his heart stopped. You didn't want him to die."   
  
"That doesn't count." Harry replied with a shake of his head. "We are on our way home." he said. "But when.... but when he needed me... when I had to take care of him, I couldn't do it. I didn't want the responsibility. I didn't want to be the....."   
  
"The big brother?" Kes asked. Everyone one the ship knew Tom and Harry thought of each other as brothers. And most knew how Tom did everything he could to look out for Harry. But few realized just that Harry was just as protective of Tom., or at least he tried to be. It wasn't an easy job. "You didn't feel comfortable being the one that had to make the decisions." The last part was more a statement, a clarifications more then a question. .   
  
Harry nodded. "I hated it." he said. "I didn't want to one that had to figure out how we were going to surrive. And I..... I....."   
  
"And you hated Tom for putting you in that postion in the first place." she said, with sudden insight. As part of her medical studies, she had seen how differenrt speices reacted to the death, or sometimes the impending death of someone they cared for. Anger at the injuried was not an uncoomon reaction. Perticularly if the injury could have been prevented. She didn't know the details of what had happened, how or why Tom was stabbed, but she fairly sure that Harry had been involed in some way.   
  
Harry turned so fast she was surprised he didn't hurt his neck. "How.... how did you know that?" he asked.   
  
"Becuase it was a perfectly normal reaction under the cirmstances." she said. "It doesn't make any sense, but it still is a normal reaction." But even as she said it, she realized that he didn't believe her. Not her or anyone else could convince him that he wasn't a bad person, or a bad friend. There was only one person that could do that.   
  
  
  
  
  
**********************************  
  
  
  
It felt good to be wearing his uniform again. Tom been wearing those sick-bay sleepwear for the four days, and that was four to many as far as he was concerned. True, he wouldn't be back to a full schedule right away, but he didn't mind. He was just glad to get out of sick-bay. he didn't even mind, he had to listen to Neelix bragging once more how he out flown the Akritirians. He had to smile as Neelix finished his story, and agreed that he Neelix had done a good job. he then hid a smile when he saw the Captain's expression when Neelix suggested he could pilot Voyager until He could come back full time. He wondered how she would handle this latest request, but not to worried. He trusted the Captain to sort it all out.   
  
It was the man on the other bio bed that concerned him. He hadn't seen Harry since the younger man had fled sick-bay four days ago. He knew that several of the crew had tried without success to talk to the younger man. Now it was his turn. But what could he say that hadn't been already?   
  
The only thing think he could think of was how Harry had tried to protect him after Zio had thrown them out because Harry wouldn't kill him. This man is my friend. He could still hear those words.... somehow they him. Does Harry have any idea what those words meant me? Or how it felt to have someone stay with me, even though he would die for his efforts? No one as ever done that for me. No one. Not even my own family.   
  
The Doctor joined them then, with the news ship would not be needing Neelix's skills and showed Harry and Tom the clamps he had removed. "I've finished analyzing there implants and you'll be happy to know the treatments I've provided will successfully contract their effect on you."   
  
"Just what were those effects?" Janeway asked.   
  
The Doctor moved towards her, and in between the two beds as he explained how the clamps worked. As soon as the Doctor mentioned the word "acetylcholine" he knew what the doctor was going to say, but listened as the Doctor explained for the Captain and Harry's benefit. Tom hoped that this would help convince Harry that he had not been to blame for what had happened. But when the Doctor finished, Harry just looked at Tom. "Zio was right." was all he said.   
  
Tom nodded, slightly frustrated. Just what had Zio said to Harry? Had the calm, cool madman figured out what the clamps where for? It was possible. From what Tom had seen the man was smart enough. And unlike the rest of the prisoners he wasn't a manic. Just one of the coldest bastards he had ever had the displeasure of meeting. But he didn't want to think about that right now. "Come on Harry, we're overdue for that steak dinner.   
  
"I guess so," Harry replied, but he didn't seem to excited by the news.   
  
"What do you mean 'You guess so'." Tom asked. "It was the thought of that dinner that kept us going." As he guided his friend out of sick bay, he contiuned talking about the dinner. "So what do think? Ah.... a baked patato, ah a big mound of deep fried oinion rings.,.."  
  
But Harry wasn't interested in discussing a dinner menu. There was only one thing he wanted to discuss. "Tom." he began.   
  
But Tom continued with the dinner plans. "Maybe, ahh, some grilled oinions?"   
  
"Tom." Harry said again, stopping and turning to face him. "Listen to me. I..." he began. He was clear he was having a hard time saying what he had to. "I... almost killed you."  
  
Though he did not want to, the memories of the enraged Harry came back with a venegnce. "What do you mean?" Tom asked, as much to rid himself of the images, as anything else. "You were the one that kept me alive."   
  
"I was ready to hit you with the pipe. Don't you remenber?"   
  
Tom paused for several seconds, as he considered his words.. He knew that of all the failed attempts to get Harry to foirgive himself had failed. But Tom had an advantage the others did not. Unlike the rest of the crew, Tom knew everything that had happened in the prison. The bad and the good. And that was his best chance. "Do you want know what I remenber?" he asked. But with out giving Harry a chance to response he contined. "Someone saying 'This man is my friend. Nobody touches him' I'll remenber that for a long time."   
  
Harry seemed to consider those words. Tom hoped that Harry would understand. Yes, Harry had tried to kill him, but he had also been willing to die for him.... and that was the truest sign of friendship.   
  
"So..." Tom continued, once he was sure Harry had considered his words. "What do you say we blow a weeks worth of replicatior rations?" he asked with a smile.   
  
"So what's for dessert?" Harry asked.   
  
"Cherry pie." he said as they started walking down the hall again. He knew that this was not over, that it would take Harry some time to heal, but he had given his friend something to consider. At least that was a start. "Don't you remenber?"   
  
"What about the furge ripple pudding?' Harry asked.   
  
Tom breathed a soft sigh of relief. He knew that Harry would never be the same inoncent young man he had been when they had gone on shore leave. but he would recover.   
  
And he would still have his friend.   
  
  
  
  



End file.
